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Found this in a reallllly old file of mine; 4 years has flown by, and our friendship that was once so strong and forever-lasting has now turned to silence, awkward vibes, annoyance and hatred. sometimes I wonder what went wrong, but as I look through the photos that evolve into more recent times, I think I know why. People change; she changed; I changed. but I can’t deny the fact that I miss her like crazy.

I miss you like crazy too.  Good thing changes aren’t always for the worse. :)

U-KISS - 0330

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So you see, there’s this friend I’ve known for more than half my life.  There is a group of us girls who I’ve known and adored for more than half my life.  There have been times where we’ve disagreed, fought, and cried over for more than I can recall.

Many people say the definition of friendship is a relationship we, humans, have where one being is there for the other when he/she needs the support and shoulder to lean on.  Now, although that is a valid and widely accepted concept, it’s quite hilarious how false it can be.  It is physically impossible to always “be there” for another, so-called, friend.  You may claim you are always with this friend emotionally or whatever, but by human nature, it is impossible to never disagree or have one’s own opinion that will contrast the other.  It is psychologically proven that egocentricity will, one time or another or many times, get in the way of friendships.  asklgjgwwe This can go on forever, but I want to finish this post for a specific someone who I’ve had this very interesting friendship with.

I’m not trying to appear to be a pessimist going around proclaiming friendships are pointless, or they’re not good and preaching about how people should look down or view friendships with contempt, I’m just simply stating this concept of the terms of agreement and conditions in friendships people have never truly understood.  Or, if they had, they didn’t know how to express or sum it up to that.  Clearly, no one is perfect—we’re humans.  It’d be silly to think everyone was a great bestfriend and we may rely on them with our lives—I’m sure few can, but for the majority, it’s indescribably difficult.  It’s very difficult because of our own self-interest.

Back to this idea of agreeing to the terms of a friendship.  Because people are not perfect, creating a relationship with another individual requires this realization, confession, and agreement that, yes, I have a few things that are not perfect, and for us to have this friendship, you need to know and agree to it.  If you’re not going to accept who I am, then there would be absolutely no point in making this friendship, correct?

I came upon this conclusion today while talking to a friend of mine.  I’ve known this crazy girl since I was eight years old, maybe seven.  This girl can be loud, obnoxious—at times, and overly-clingy.  However, these are all results of love, enthusiasm, and ambition.  Yeah, there are instances when she may say a few mean things, harsh vocab, but it’s not the way she’s presenting her thoughts/opinions, it’s the message she’s getting across.  ”Wow, that was kinda fucking rude” is translated to “Yeah, that was kind of rude. I’m telling you as a friend, I don’t think you should say those things or behave that certain way because it comes off as you being a rude person.”  Pretty crazy, but that’s just how she is.  And I’ve come to this realization that, wow, I need to understand that and accept that she can be like that at times, and if I find it offensive or unlikable to myself, then my loss.  She can be a great friend at times.  The things we shared, the hilariously secretive conversations we’d hold, the wide spectrum of things to talk about—from the latest interest in fashion to boys to our favorite food.  It’s pretty hard to say I don’t count her as a friend or that I don’t love her because of the things we’ve been through.  Frustration and stories, that are spread around like wildfire at school, builds up, and times when she blows up or agrees to bad things that have been going on about me happens.  Well, who can confidently say they have never agreed to a negative comment about someone or have never thought of something hurtful or degrading toward another person?  Unless you’re Jesus, or lying, that’s not you.

Miscommunications happen frequently because of fear, hate, insecurity, jealousy, etc.  But friendships deteriorate if the decaying pieces aren’t quickly mended, aren’t they?  

I just wanted to end with a few stories and things I miss/love about this girl.

A few of the biggest memories we always bring up, about our childhood.  Remember the day your brother was just a baby, and you called me over to your house because you weren’t too sure as to how to change diapers?  I had a baby sister at the time, so I agreed to come over and help out—without knowing that your mom never consented to it, or even knew about my coming over.  HAHA, wow.  To top that off, my mom brought over pizza for lunch, and your mom came home early from wherever she was, and you threw me into a tree and told me that to hide there? WOW HHAHAHA ;) lovely.  Eventually, I was caught and both of us were busted.  But hey, we had fun and ended up having pizza together and me being able to stay over for a bit to play.  Another story I love is the story of Kalvin. LOLLOL, wow.  I don’t even think I have to explain this one!  The church lockin that one year, and the Native American game <3 hella galloping around and gathering tumbleweed for our fire. HAHAHA, wow.  I don’t even know how to say anything bad about you when I think about that, it’s incredible.  It’s indescribably joy-filling—like, I can’t even stop smiling right now.  My last story is the story of the… “seeds” ;) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, wow.  I really do hope you remember, those embarrassing/curious days.  Oh, gosh.  I remember being all freaked out the first time, but dude.  I am not going to lie.

One reason we were able to be so close is because of the same sort of… . . mind we used to have?  Well, hm.  Just the fact that we can come to each other about questions/stories about that, and not have the insecurity or fear or being judged.  I feel as if us two can truly do that and maybe have this feeling where we can say all this, but it’s not something we can go up to anyone else with—no matter how close the relationship.  It is, for me, anyway.  I really do miss those days, and I know how extremely hard it’s going to be from here on out, being seniors and getting college acceptance letters and whatnot, WOW.  But dude, it’s never stopped us before.  Remember junior high?  :)  We got this.

Maybe shake it up and bring back those memories update them with our new memories to come? :)  I’m down, y tu, p@r+N3R <3

authenticoriginal:

gym-tan-love:

My teddy bear:)

this is cool!

I WANT THIS :(